“Don’t mind, but is it okay if I ask you why you if you have any marriage plans OR do you plan to get married anytime soon OR why you are not yet married…”
As a single woman in her early 30s, hearing this question from random aunties at family gatherings, from random acquaintances at times, or even one or two prospective suitors is fine. BUT imagine this question being put to you at a Job Interview screening process.
Well, the recruiter already knew how ‘sexist’ a question like this is, otherwise why would someone start by saying “don’t mind” and “is it okay”… it’s like offending someone by just saying “no offense” in the beginning.
It’s not like I’ve not had my share of sexist job interview questions before…
“Are you single or married?”
Married women must have been further asked… “Do you have kids or plan to have kids anytime soon?”
“Do you live alone or with parents?”
These seem a bit too commonplace, but should be seen as what they are – casual sexism!
Coming back to the topic….
Marriage and Kids play a big role in almost everyone’s life, but does it need to be connected to by professional qualifications as well? Do women need to be seen by tainted glasses of patriarchy even in a workplace?
Yes, ask my experience, my degree, my goals and dreams…. And judge me on that. Do I really need to be judged on my decisions of marriage and motherhood to grow professionally?
So many women juggle far many responsibilities capably and women are known to be better multi-taskers than men be it at home or in an office. Women are continuously shattering glass ceilings and making ways into positions where they can no longer be ignored or looked over.
Don’t get me wrong… cursory questions of marital status and who all are in your family as a fillers in an interview are okay to a certain extend. But making them a yardstick to judge my candidature along with my professional experience and qualifications, I refuse to accept.
I genuinely would like to know if men too are asked about their wedding and family planning dreams at a job interview. Are they? Are you?
BUT, let’s look at the other side of the coin as well from a logical point of view….
Should I even be offended by such questions? I’m torn between being angry at the gender stereotypes creeping into my workspace and the logical understanding of our current Indian society.
The current social norms where women often leave (or HAVE to leave) their professional ambitions aside once they get married. The expectations of motherhood taking precedence over that big raise and more responsibilities in office. The norm where usually it is a woman who us expected to uproot her professional (and even personal) life immediately (and without questions) to follow her husband wherever he goes.
Who has let me down in such case? Is it those recruiters or those women who have set (or are forced to set) such a precedence before?
Then suddenly I stumble into this workplace, which is a woman’s platform, set-up by some strong and passionate women. And not a single question is asked, professionally or casually, by any of them regarding my personal life. 3 Women sat in front of me as we talked at length about the platform, my experience, my views on the space and the topics, and much more. And not a single one of them asked me, even in passing, whether I’m married or not, or my plans to have kids. Believe me, not what I would have expected, as I’m now used to being asked such questions during one or the other clearing rounds of the selection process.
It’s not wrong for me to be questioning and calling out on sexist job interview questions… I will continue to do so. Just as a woman I humbly request my other fellow ladies too… get offended, call it out, and refuse to address such questions that have nothing to do with your professional life. And when you get to the position where you interview someone else… make sure you don’t follow the traditional suit and pose these questions to the woman sitting across from you.
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