Love is supposed to make you feel safe, protected and respected; and never small, broken, or doubting your own reality. But abuse in relationships often does just that – silently chipping away at your self-worth while masquerading as love, concern, or even “tough honesty.”
Remember, unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse in a relationship doesn’t leave visible scars, but the damage it causes can be just as profound, if not more. At first, it might seem harmless – a comment about your choices, a small joke at your expense, or an unusual amount of control over everyday decisions. But over time, these subtle patterns turn into a web of manipulation, criticism, and control that’s hard to untangle.
This is why; we decided to ask an Expert to share with us what emotional abuse looks like in a relationship, the red flags to watch out for, and why leaving isn’t as simple as it sounds. Because understanding the problem is the first step toward healing – and you deserve to feel whole and loved for who you truly are. So, here’s what Dr Rachna Khanna Singh, Mental Health and Relationship Expert has to say about Emotional Abuse in a relationship.
Understanding Abuse in a Relationship:
While an increasing number of men have recently come forward about experiencing domestic abuse from their partner or family members, the issue has traditionally affected women to a much greater extent. For years, women have predominantly endured the brunt of abuse within their households and frequently faced patterns of control, violence and manipulation. However, viewing abuse through a gendered lens distracts from the central issues that domestic violence is a human problem and not related to gender.
But what is domestic violence? Domestic violence refers to a recurring pattern of abusive behavior used by one person to exert control and dominance over their partner within a domestic setting. It can take manifest in various forms such as physical, emotional, psychological or sexual assault and financial control. These behaviors are generally intended to manipulate, intimidate or coerce the victims into compliance.
Emotional Abuse in a relationship may not be apparent in the beginning, as it often starts subtly and intensifies over time. Regardless of its forms, abuse can leave a lasting impact on a person’s mental health, self-worth and overall wellness.
Although physical abuse is frequently regarded as the defining characteristics of abuse, it usually starts much earlier with emotional abuse.
What are the early signs of an Abusive Relationship?
- Controlling Behavior: A partner displays extreme jealousy, isolates you from family and friends, or continuously monitors your actions. They may also determine what you wear, where you travel, and who you spend time with. For example, they constantly inquire, “Who are you going to meet?”
- Constant Criticism and Belittling: Your partner might often resort to hurtful language, undermine your confidence, constantly belittle you, and use derogatory language. Examples include: “You will not be able to achieve anything so why bother trying.”
- Threatening Behavior: They may threaten to harm themselves, you, or others in order to control or manipulate you. For example, “If you leave me, I don’t know what I will do”
- Unpredictable Mood Swings: The partner frequently switches between being lovely and loving one minute. They abruptly become unfriendly, furious, or aggressive the next.
- Gaslighting: This involves often manipulating you into doubting your own memory, perception or reality often leaving you confused or questioning yourself.
Why Women Don’t Speak Up about Emotional Abuse in a Relationship
While many of us recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, acknowledging them is an entirely different challenge. Why is it that, despite being aware, leaving an abusive relationship often feels so difficult? Here are a few key reasons:
- Hope for Change: Survivors often believe that the abusers will change especially after apologies creating a cycle of hope and disappointment. For example, “They promised me that they have changed and will not repeat it again.”
- Fear of Retaliation: The persistent fear of increased violence, threats to their safety, or harm to their loved ones often keep survivors from leaving. For example, “If you don’t listen to me, I will harm your loved ones.”
- Emotional Manipulation: Abusive partners often use tactics such as guilt tripping, love bombing or gaslighting to create a cycle of dependence and control. Survivors may start doubting their perceptions, or believing they are responsible for their own abuse.
- Social Stigma: Survivors often worry about societal judgement, especially in cultures or communities where divorce or separation are frowned upon. Victim – blaming attitude can prevent them from seeking help.
- Isolation: Abusers often make survivors cut off from their friends, family and supportive networks often leaving them feeling alone and without a safe space to turn to for help.
What are some healthy ways to communicate and resolve conflicts in a relationship?
- Practice Active Listening:
Give your full attention, make eye contact, and reflect on what your partner is saying without interrupting. Show empathy and validate their feelings to foster understanding. - Use “I” Statements:
Express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me” instead of “You always ignore me”. - Set Clear Boundaries: Remember to politely but firmly communicate personal boundaries with your partner ensuring mutual respect for both.
- Seek Professional Support:
If conflicts persist or escalate, consider couples counseling or therapy. Reach out to a psychologist or counselor for support and guidance on how to handle the situation efficiently - Stay Calm and Composed:
Have a calm approach so that you can have a rational conversation and reduce the likelihood of saying things that might cause lasting harm.
No one deserves to feel diminished, controlled, or silenced in the name of love. Emotional abuse in a relationship may be invisible, but its impact is deep and lasting. Take strength in the fact that with expert advice, supportive networks, and inner resolve to escape the cycle and rediscover a life filled with genuine respect and care.
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Meet our Expert Guest Author: Dr Rachna Khanna Singh is a Mental Wellness, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert. She is the HoD of Holistic Medicine & Mental Wellness at Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon; and, founder and director of The Mind and Wellness Studio.
Also Read: Mental Health in Relationships: Experts tell us how to support your partner when they are struggling