When my son was born, I made a promise to myself, I will not only try my best to make him a Good Son but a Good Man as well. The “Raja Beta” thinking of the society has been toxic enough as we have seen in the last couple of years. And, last thing I wanted was to give the society more “Raja Betas.”
As parents it is in our hands to change a few things as we are raising the next generation. It is in our hands to make our sons the man that they should become, a man that we are proud of not just because he is entitled to it but because he has worked towards it. Here’s how I’m making my way towards it:
#1. It’s OKAY to Show Emotions
When it comes to ‘boys’ we hear things like never cry, be strong, don’t show your feelings, etc. The idea of a ‘tough macho guy who never cries’ is very toxic not just for the child but also for those around him. I want my son to know that it is fine for him to express his emotions. If he wants to cry, laugh, or feel vulnerable, it’s all right and acceptable.
#2. Right Way to Express & Manage Anger
I want my son to learn to express his anger and frustration in a healthy manner. Those things can often find an undesirable outlet if not expressed on time or in a healthy way. So, I always make sure I give him enough confidence that he can discuss things with us as openly as possible. I also try to show him more creative ways to express emotions, rather than just shoving it all in, and acting like a “boy.”
#3. Teaching about Consent
It’s never too early to teach your son about the idea of ‘consent’. I don’t want my son to grow up hearing the standard excuse of ‘boys will be boys’. This sense of entitlement that we instill in our boys needs to be dismantled, and it all starts with their parents.
#4. Household chores don’t make you less “manly”
When my daughter was born, I decided that I would never show my kids the traditional ways of “this is what a boy does” and “this is what a girl does.” Boys need to know basic things like cooking and doing the household chores so that they can take care of themselves when need arises. Right now, if I’m out of home someday, I know my son can make breakfast for himself and his sister.
#5. Respect is a two-way street
I want my son to show respect not just towards his elders and family members, but also towards his peers and friends. And most importantly, towards those who are less privileged than us. Respect is not just about treating someone with regard, but also as an equal. If you show respect, you will be respected back.
As parents it is our responsibility to raise the next generation right. So, no more “raja betas”. Raising a good son is not unachievable; it is about raising a good man that I want to work towards!
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